英语幽默:Man, Woman,Marriage

1 She was his secretary before they got married. Now she's his treasurer.  
在他们结婚之前她是他的秘书，现在她是他的"出纳"。
  
2 My wife and I have an agreement that we never go to sleep angry with each other. We've been awake now for nearly 6 months. 。
我和我妻子达成了一个协议：绝不在和对方生气的情况下去睡觉。结果我们已经6个月没睡觉了
  
3 My wife always lets me have the last word. It's usually, 'Yes.'      
我妻子总是让我最后拿主意。我总是说：是。
  
4 A husband is a man with lots of small mouths to feed and one big one to listen to.  
所谓丈夫就是要喂许多张小嘴吃饭还要听一张大嘴说话的男人。
  
5 He's a bachelor by choice. Sometimes his own, but mostly the choice of the women he's dated.  
他之所以单身事出有因。有时那是他自己选择，而绝大多数时候则是那些他所约会的女人的选择。
  
6 Whenever I meet a man who would make a good husband, he already is.  
每当我遇到一个我觉得会是个好丈夫的男人时，他都已经是了。
  
7 The only person who's asked her to get married is her mother.      唯一想叫她结婚的人就是她母亲。
  
8 I think- therefore I'm single.      
我思考--所以我单身
  
9 A wallflower is a man whose phone doesn't ring- even when he's in the bath.  
所谓局外人就是那些电话从不响的男人--即使当他们在洗澡的时候。
  
10 A bachelor is a man who never chases a woman he can't outrun.      单身汉就是那些决不追赶那些他们无法追上的女人的男人。
  
11 The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.  
婚前的日子相对于婚姻来说就像是一本冗长乏味的书的一段短小精悍的序言。
  
12 One should always be in love-that is one reason why one should never marry.  
人们应该永远沉浸在爱之中--这就是人们应该永远不要结婚的理由之一。
  
13 Marriage is a very good thing, but I think it's a mistake to make a habit of it.  
结婚是件好事，可我认为如果把它当作一种习惯就不好了。
  
14 It destroys one's nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being.  
如果每天都对着同一个人和蔼可亲会使人的神经崩溃的。
  
15 What did you do before you married? -Anything I wanted to!      你结婚之前都干什么了？--我喜欢干的所有事！
  
16 The truth is, I regret the day I was married. -You're lucky. I was married for a whole month!  
事实上，我对我结婚的那天真感到后悔。--你很幸运！我的婚礼持续了整整一个月。
  
17 Did your wife have anything to say when you got home late last night? -No, but it didn't stop her talking for hours.
昨晚你回家晚了时你妻子对你说什么了吗？--没，但这并不妨碍她连说几个小时一直没停嘴。
  
18 You know the honeymoon's over when the groom stops helping his wife with the dishes- and starts doing them himself!
你知道吗，新郎不帮妻子刷碗而开始自己刷碗的时候就意味着蜜月结束了。
  
19 There's only one thing that keeps me from being happily married- my wife.     
唯一让我的婚姻得不到幸福的就是--我妻子。
  
20 Marriage is just another union that defies management.     
婚姻就是一个反抗管理的联盟。